Hindsight

In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have called my Jewish boss a grammar Nazi.

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Things they say – 1

They said shaving my balls would make my dick look bigger. Somehow it just made me look like a 10 year old girl.

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On writing

Write what you love for the joy of writing. Even if it’s Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin erotic fan fiction.

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Disappointment

“That’s it?” she asked with a look of disappointment on her face to which I replied with a wink “don’t worry sweetheart, big things come in small packages”.

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Travel Tips

After witnessing the rats, taxi drivers, garbage, and literal human feces I tell people that they can get the authentic New York City experience for less by going to India.

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Current Events 9/6

After 150 years India has finally legalized consensual gay sex. Interestingly non-consensual gay sex has always been legal in India.

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Current Events 9/5

The outbreak on the flight from Dubai might be proof that the travel ban wasn’t a bad idea. Hindsight is 50/50

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Women and cats

Telling a woman to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.

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Relationships

Relationships are like boats. The two happiest moments are when you get one and when you get out of one.

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