One thing people from upstate will never understand is the absolute magic you feel when you’re on the same subway as the two fighting bums and the guy rapping about Jesus.
You’ll never realize how awkward things in life can be until you have to tell a black person that they need to order black ink for the printer.
Asians are the only group weird enough to be seen walking around NYC wearing masks. You know they aren’t doing it to protect others because nobody in the city actually cares about another person.
You know you’re old when you realize that current porn stars are younger than you.
It’s fitting that the only place I’ve ever seen dog poo smeared on the sidewalks is near the art galleries in Chelsea. It’s like the hipsters are using poo as their paint and the sidewalks as a canvas.