Looking to join the Combustible Dork Enterprises team? Do you think you have what it takes to piss off the internet? Want to make less than minimum wage? See if you have what it takes!
We won’t actually pay you for what you do, but it’ll be great for your exposure. You must send us examples of your work, a resume, and sign over rights to your first born. Also your name can’t be Carlos. Either change it or don’t apply.
We need someone to keep us on track during the day and make sure stuff gets paid and deadlines met. You’ll probably be underpaid and under-appreciated, but you’ll be able to console yourself knowing that you’re basically parenting a bunch of adults. We’ll accept someone named Carlos for this position.
Valentine’s Day is coming up and one of our writers got dumped recently. We want to cheer him up with a date for the 14th. You won’t get paid, but he’ll buy you dinner. Just a heads up he’s an awkward 3/10 with personal space issues and an inability to read body language or social cues. He does have a trust fund though, which is basically the only reason we’re still operational. Please don’t tell him that last part, he thinks it’s an investment.
Unfortunately we weren’t able to get our writer, Carl, a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. The job is still available in hopes that he has someone to spend it with next year instead of getting drunk at the office and fucking the Millennial Porn casting couch.