Being loved is all fun and games until you wake up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
On PSAs
Carlos Danger here to talk to you about something that millions of Americans just like you are living with right now due to COVID-19!
You’d think we’re about to have a conversation about herpes and you’d be wrong, but if you wait until the end, I can recommend a physician. No, we’re here to talk about anxiety and how to defeat it.
You see, the key to beating anxiety is doing all the activities that your anxiety keeps you from doing. I know you’ll say “But Carlos, that’s impossible!” and you’d be right, but you need to stop digging your hole deeper. Instead, dig a ramp out of your hole by making a ton of small changes.
We also highly recommend checking out Danger Medical for their amazing anti-anxiety medications.
– Carlos “The WopBot” Danger
On drunk driving
The one good thing about COVID-19 is the reduction in my drunk driving.
On Nostradamus
Epstein might not have killed himself, but Ghislaine Maxwell certainly did.
On you
I know you’re wondering if this one is about you.
And now you’re wondering how I know that.
And now you’re wondering how I know what you’re thinking.
On understanding
I can’t wait to be a father so I can pretend to not understand that online games can’t be paused.
On signs
My love life is proof that God actually wants some of us to be gay.
On the Jews
Writing good jokes about Jews without using the same tired lines is incredibly hard. How is it that Hitler nearly wiped them out, yet nobody can cook up a good Jew joke?
It’s obviously because all the comedians are Jews.
On why I’m single
People are constantly asking why I’m single because I have a great personality. The truth is I’m a short, fat Italian with a small dork who lives in his mother’s basement and women aren’t exactly impressed by that.
On birthdays
If there’s one good thing that will come out of COVID it’ll be the end of birthday candles. Nothing like eating cake full of spit.