Hey 🥺👉👈 any cute girls wanna go to Oregon with me? 🙈
On bath salts
I’m hoping bath salts make a comeback this year so someone will eat my face.
On crust
Did anyone else’s GTA Vice City disk develop a weird crust on the top over time?
On leering
Listen I’m not staring at your tits, I’m leering at your heart.
On Election 2020
Brexit is the only thing longer than this election.
Millions of women are safe.
Now that James Bond is dead.
No James No.
On no context
“I’ve been wanting a clit piercing too, but I need to schedule a penis reduction surgery first.”
On suicide hoodies
Imagine having to rush over to your girls house before the suicide because she stole your suicide hoodie.
And that’s why they only make suicide vests.
On tinder
I signed up for tinder because I didn’t want to spend money on heating my apartment this winter. Unfortunately I’ve only matched with my left hand.
On my first period
Getting your period for the first time is a terrifying experience.
Even more so when you’re a 29 year old man and the cramps feel a lot like the time you had the clap.